Exactly one year ago today I posted my first (and so far my only) short story, “Ellipses,” on this blog. The day it went up I got 17 views. The second day, 56. It tapered off very quickly after that and, for the whole month of October 2014, "Ellipses" raked in a total of 103 viewers.
A lot has changed in a year...
Yesterday I did something that apparently most people find strange, which was ripping out my own broken, disgusting, aching, bleeding, heart and making fun of the most painful situation I’ve been in thus far in my short life. Not only that, in the midst of my little joke, I (hopefully) insulted obnoxious-in-love couples on social media, and involved the perpetrator of my broken heart - my ex boyfriend.
Your reactions were hilarious. I received a few confused but supportive texts. Some thought it was insensitive to involve Andrew (I asked him if he was okay with it, not that it’s his say OR anyone else’s goddamn business. But still.). A few of you were highly uncomfortable.
I gladly welcomed all of them. Posting that entry was extremely therapeutic for me, and as the title suggests, the only way I’m going to get through this god-awful fucking ordeal is to laugh...in between hysterically ugly-crying. And being drunk.
I broke my record for views in a day with yesterday’s post at 222 views.
Previously, my record was 193 for “I Said Yes,” (you guys are really loving my stuff when I’m miserable. I’m not sure whether I should be insulted or flattered), and before that, 93 for “Dark Matter” (Okay so you wanna read about broken hearts and sex. Got it.).
The moment I saw that number, I admittedly felt immense joy. Three years ago I didn’t even want to start this blog, and I’m pretty sure my first entry was called “The First of Many Meaningless and Unread Posts,” or something equally cheery.
So with that said, I want to take a moment and do something rare, which is be serious. And (wait for it) nice. So here goes -
I want to thank any and everyone who has ever read a single thing from Stuff.
For anyone who has ever reached out to me to let me know they liked what I wrote; some of you I barely even know or talk to.
Thank you to everyone who said kind things, gave me constructive criticism, or politely disagreed with my opinion / something I wrote.
Thank you to the Miami-based artists who gave my words another dimension.
To those of you whom I’ve never even met but you somehow found my blog - you’re fucking awesome. To ya’ll that comment, like, and share my stuff - I love you.
For those who challenged and continue to challenge me; for those who pester me when I haven’t posted anything in a long time; for those who constantly encourage and support me - Thank you.
And lastly, thank you to the person who shall remain nameless for pushing and pushing me until I finally created this thing that I didn’t even believe in at first.
Before Stuff, I had never, ever, let anyone read things I wrote, nor did I share anything. Like my feelings and emotions, I kept everything hidden away in boxes - Concealed. Protected. Guarded.
Since Stuff, I’ve collaborated with artists, read original poetry to a room full of strangers, and become a better and more confident writer (I lost the air-quotes. Ballsy move, I know).
This blog is still small, with probably an even smaller reach. The stats may not seem like a big deal, but I assure ya’ll that it is, and means, much more than a number. And it is a big deal.
My only hope is to keep writing things that people will find honest, whatever that entails is up to you. Whether it’s sadness, heartache, anger, laughter, empathy - whatever. I just hope you feel something.
THANK YOU all for being awesome. You have no idea how much it means to me, and how much it’s saving me right now. I’ll keep ‘em coming as best as I can (insert standard sex joke here).
Who knows, I might even self-publish a book one day soon…